Category: The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood

HYPOTHESIS: Whenever I lie, things will get worse by a factor of 743. “Did you . . . did you hear that?” she blurted out. Malcolm hurried to clear the table of his stuff, muttering tightly, “I was just about to go.” Olive barely noticed, busy watching Adam slide the chair back to sit across from her. Shit. “Yes,” he said, bland and even, and Olive felt like she was […]

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HYPOTHESIS: If I fall in love, things will invariably end poorly. The knockout mouse had been hanging from a wire for a length of time that should have been impossible, considering how it had been genetically modified. Olive frowned at it and pressed her lips together. It was missing crucial DNA. All the hanging-from-a-wire proteins had been erased. There was no way it could hold on for this long. It […]

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HYPOTHESIS: The more I mention an attachment in an email, the less likely I will be to actually include said attachment. SATURDAY, 6:34 p.m. FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected] SUBJECT: Re: Report on Pancreatic Cancer Study Hi Tom, Here is the report you asked for, with a detailed description of what I have done so far, as well as my thoughts on future directions and the resources I will need to […]

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HYPOTHESIS: On a Likert scale ranging from one to ten, Jeremy’s timing will be negative fifty, with a standard error of the mean of zero point two. Number thirty-seven—salt-and-vinegar potato chips—was sold out. It was frankly inexplicable: Olive had come in at 8:00 p.m., and there had been at least one bag left in the break room’s vending machine. She distinctly remembered patting the back pocket of her jeans for […]

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HYPOTHESIS: When compared with multiple types and models of furniture, Adam Carlsen’s lap will be rated in the top fifth percentile for comfort, coziness, and enjoyment. The moment Olive opened the door of the auditorium she and Anh exchanged a wide-eyed look and said, in unison, “Holy shit.” In her two years at Stanford she had been to countless seminars, trainings, lectures, and classes in this lecture hall, and yet […]

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HYPOTHESIS: The more I need my brain to be on top of its game, the higher the probability that it will freeze on me. “Wait a minute.” Dr. Benton tilted his head. His smile was still in place, but his gaze became a little sharper, his focus on Olive less superficial. “Do you happen to be . . .” Olive froze. Her mind was never calm, or orderly—more like a […]

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HYPOTHESIS: A private conversation with Adam Carlsen will become 150 percent more awkward after the word “sex” is uttered. By me. Three days later, Olive found herself standing in front of Adam’s office. She’d never been there before, but she had no problem finding it. The student scurrying out with misty eyes and a terrified expression was a dead giveaway, not to mention that Adam’s door was the only one […]

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HYPOTHESIS: Any rumor regarding my love life will spread with a speed that is directly proportional to my desire to keep said rumor a secret. Olive Smith was a rising third-year Ph.D. student in one of the best biology departments in the country, one that housed more than one hundred grads and what often felt like several million majoring undergrads. She had no idea what the exact number of faculty […]

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HYPOTHESIS: When given a choice between A (a slightly inconveniencing situation) and B (a colossal shitshow with devastating consequences), I will inevitably end up selecting B. Two years, eleven months later In Olive’s defense, the man didn’t seem to mind the kiss too much. It did take him a moment to adjust—perfectly understandable, given the sudden circumstances. It was an awkward, uncomfortable, somewhat painful minute, in which Olive was simultaneously […]

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