Naledi-His love By Dadu Busani-Dube , Chapter 4

I‘m going to cry. I‘ll try my best not to but I think it‘s going to happen
eventually. I feel like crying right now.
I‘ve had my head on his shoulder since we sat here, before the flight even
took off.
It felt so sad when we left the house. I‘d only been there since
yesterday afternoon but it felt like home already.
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I wanted to drive, but he said he wasn‘t going to let me drive five hours two
days in a row, one of the reasons being that I‘m a bad driver who almost
killed him last week.
So we took a flight, a private jet.
I didn‘t know that private jets were like taxis, that you can just get on one
and fly your girlfriend home.
He said my car would be brought to Kimberley by a driver. So I left it still
parked at his house.
He‘s a bit quiet but his arms are around me. There are random kisses as we sit.
I don‘t want to go home. He doesn‘t want me to go home, that‘s why he came
with me.
He was right, now that we‘ve had sex I feel weaker around him. I‘m not that
girl that wanted to fight with him all the time this morning. Now I want to
curl up next to him and be cuddly and vulnerable……
It started with me against the wall, to the cinema chair and ended on the floor.
There were two more times after that, when we showered and just before we
left the house. But the first one, I still get butterflies in my stomach when I
think about it. You know that sound?…that sound that a man makes when he
is really enjoying you? He made that sound. He called my name and he looked
into my eyes when he came. He made me look at him too when I came. And
then he asked me to trust him and told me he loved me.
―Are you really going to the looney house tomorrow?‖ he speaks.
I was enjoying the silence, particularly because no-one was being insulted.
―They‘re not looneys baby, you can‘t call people that,‖ I say
I know I‘m wasting my time.
―Aren‘t they dangerous?‖ he asks.
Why does he want to know?
―Some of them are, like, there‘s Justice, he‘s a serial killer and……
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He pushes me off and looks at my face
―A what??‖ he asks
―He‘s better now, he was mentally ill when he killed those…….
―He‘s better? Are you listening to yourself Naledi? And what‘s a serial
killer doing in hospital? Why isn‘t he in jail…….?
Why is he being so dramatic?
Thank God we‘ve just landed!
It‘s that same Jeep he was driving at the mall. I thought we were going to get
a hired car or that I‘d ask someone to come pick us up but……here is the Jeep!
We sit at the back, someone is driving. It‘s after 9pm and I want to go
straight to bed but chances are slim. He‘s still giving me a lecture about my
job, the one I‘m trained for.
―I told you I don‘t want you working there,‖ he says.
―You can‘t tell me where I can or cannot work Chawe,‖
―Why not?‖ he asks.
This is where I shut up and do a silent ‗whooooosaaaa‘
My house is dark, my worst fear. The last time I walked in it dark I was
almost killed.
He goes in first and switches the light on. He didn‘t even look worried.
He told the driver to pick us up in the morning so I conclude he‘s sleeping
over. However, none of that was discussed with me. I thought he was flying
back to Joburg tonight.
―How did he come in?‖ he asks walking around the lounge.
―Through there,‖ I say pointing at the sliding door to the balcony.
He opens it, goes outside and comes back in.
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―So a person can walk in this complex and enter a house without being
seen?‖ he asks. He looks worried.
―This was the first time it happened,‖ I say
Why am I explaining?
―Yes and it was the last time,‖ he says.
We go to sleep only after he makes himself food and treats himself to Tsietsi‘s
beer in the fridge, although he‘s made it clear that he doesn‘t want him
coming here.
After he leaves I‘m going to sit down and give myself time to phantom him and
his overwhelming behaviour. I need a planning sheet for all the medical and
psychological theories I‘m going to have to explore to be able to handle him.
———————
―You let them wander around unmonitored just like that???‖ he asks.
Yes, they‘re patients, not aliens from Jupiter!
I‘m embarrassed just walking with him because he has that look on his face. I
understand, maybe, if not certainly, he has a fear of mentally ill people. I think
that‘s the case here.
But this is my job and there are people I work with here, although most
of them are staring at him and couldn‘t care less what he just said.
I walk faster as we climb the stairs to my office.
―Naledi are you okay? Oh my God! I heard what happened….‖ Chelsea comes
rushing to me, until she sees the tall man behind me.
―Hi,‖ she says with a wide smile.
I guess she‘s not worried about me anymore.
―This is where you threw my flowers out,‖ he says standing by the window.
That was last week but now it seems like a long time ago.
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I must call the captain to get an update.
My sister says I must go to the funeral, to get closure, but I‘m not sure,
his family never liked me, they loved the baby-mama.
He looks at his watch. I think he has to be somewhere.
―I have to go. I know you don‘t want me to leave but I have to work,‖ he
says with that frown-smile.
I never said I didn‘t want him to leave.
He stops and looks at me.
―I‘m glad you came,‖ he says.
I blush.
―I don‘t know where you‘ve been all along Naledi, I‘ve been looking for
you,‖ he says.
At first I don‘t get him, and then I look into his eyes, I get him. I‘ve been
looking for him too.
My eyes are getting wet.
He pulls me close and hugs me tight.
I think he‘s into perfume, he smells of a different one today. I think he
loves crispy white shirts too.
―Your car is on its way, they‘ll deliver it here,‖ he says.
That‘s better because I‘m going to need it to get home.
It‘s already Thursday and I have to decide whether I‘m going to Mafikeng
this weekend. The problem is that he said he was going to see me at the
weekend, which means he already has plans that I don‘t know about.
I walk him out before the whole building hears that he‘s here and comes out
to watch.
―I‘m going to miss you,‖ I say, my head on his chest. I don‘t want him to go.
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―You could quit this place and move in with me,‖ he says.
Go away fool!
I already feel like crying when the car drives out of the gate. The past two days
have been amazing. Now I love him even more than I did when I lost my mind
and drove to Alberton in leggings and unbrushed teeth.
But I can‘t get the picture of that woman out of my mind. He still loves her, I
know he does. What scares me the most is not knowing whether he‘ll ever
be able to love me more than he loved her. It worries me. Imagine being
second best to a ghost.
I comfort myself with the fact that we look totally different, so I wasn‘t
her replacement I think.
I don‘t know where Tsietsi is today. He‘s not even answering my calls. He still
doesn‘t know I went to Joburg, nobody knows, not even my sisters.
I have been away for two days and need to catch up on the work. I‘ll try by all
means to avoid crossing paths with the CEO and have him feel sorry for me.
Qhawe sent an SMS two hours after he left saying he had arrived in Joburg.
He said he had meetings all day but he‘s been SMSng me all day.
I told the car people to leave the car keys at reception. I‘ve been too busy I
didn‘t even go out for lunch. Now almost everyone is gone home and I‘m
still in the office because I really need to finish this paperwork.
“Why are you still in that place?”-an SMS from him.
How does he know I‘m still here?
“I have to finish work,”- I respond.
“Finish it tomorrow. Please. It’s going to get dark outside,” he says.
Sometimes I stay here until 9pm, but let me listen to him because he
might just drive here to drag me out of the ―looney house‖.
He calls.
―Go home,‖ he says.
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Sigh.
―Are you home?‖
He takes a deep breath.
―Yes, it doesn‘t feel like home without you here,‖ he says.
Now I miss him even more.
―What are you doing?‖
―I‘m sitting in your car,‖ he says.
Huh?
―Because I miss you, so I came to the garage to sit in your car…….‖ he says.
But……
―But my car is here……‖
I stand up and look out the window. There are only two cars left in the doctors‘
parking lot. It‘s the CEO‘s and another one.
―Chawe!!!‖
―You have to stop shouting my name if you can‘t even pronounce it,‖ he
says calmly like he didn‘t just push me to my highest limit!
―Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr‖ I say with my teeth clenched
―I wasn‘t going to let you drive around in some little car with no airbags,‖
he says.
Oh My God! Whyyyyyyy???
―Go home,‖ he says and hangs up.
Where do I put the key? I don‘t know, I‘ve never driven a Maserati before.
It‘s a nice car but I don‘t have the energy to appreciate it, not after what he
just did.
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It‘s going to get dark really soon. You know my problem. If it means I‘m going
to rush home to switch the lights on and then drive out again to get takeaways, so be it.
I‘m never walking into a dark house again.
It‘s just going to be me and the TV tonight. Oh and Qhawe‘s stalking
through phone calls and messages and everything he has access to.
It‘s always quiet in this complex, that‘s partly why I chose it. The units are
few and the general population is stuck-up, which means less drama and
borrowing of sugar.
Oh, my neighbour is moving out? I know he‘s renting but I had no idea……
No, they‘re coming out of my house. What the heck?
―Excuse me, can I help you? What‘s going on here? This is my house……‖
Am I being robbed? I‘m being robbed! Where‘s my phone?
―Mam, we struggled getting the bed out of the second bedroom, that‘s why
we took this long. But everything is in order, half the furniture has already
been unpacked at the house…….‖
I‘m being robbed in broad daylight!
―I‘m calling the police!!‖ I scream.
They all look confused. He looks at the paper-board in his hand.
―Did we break something? I don‘t think so, Mr Zulu said…..‖
―Did you just say Mr Zulu??‖
He nods.
I‘m losing my mind…….I can‘t breathe…….I can‘t stand……I need to sit….
These people are still packing my things into a truck like I‘m not even here.
―My love,‖ he answers.
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I‘m trying to catch my breath so I can be able to speak!
―Naledi…‖ he says.
―Chawe, what is going on? I‘m at my house, what did you do?‖ I ask. My voice
is low because I‘m trying to keep myself together.
Lord help me!
―Your house?‖ he asks.
I take a deep breath.
―Oh! You don‘t live there anymore…..‖ he says.
Count to five Naledi………count to five and breathe………
―Chawe, what do you mean I don‘t live here anymore?‖ I ask in almost
a whisper.
―Are you okay? You don‘t sound………..‖
―Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!‖ I scream, I can‘t deal with this!
―Mam!‖
―What? Leave my things! Get out of here!‖ I scream. Why are they
still packing?
―Naledi……Naledi?‖
He‘s still speaking.
―What Chawe?‖
He keeps quiet.
―What??‖
Why does he live to make me angry??
―Are you okay….?‖
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WTF?
I hang up.
The truck people are standing outside my house looking stunned.
And where did they get the keys? How do you just walk into someone‘s
house and pack their stuff up, on instruction from someone in Joburg?
My house is empty, as in there is nothing except the kitchen
cupboards, everything from the spoons to the dishcloth is gone.
The lounge looks like an empty hall. It‘s like nobody ever lived here.
I‘m dragging myself up the stairs with little hope that maybe there is a bed
upstairs where I can throw myself and fall asleep now and wake up after two
years.
My bedroom is empty. The wardrobes are empty. Everything is gone.
He‘s calling, I‘m ignoring him. I don‘t know what‘s going on and I know
whatever explanation he‘s going to give me will make me want to slit my
wrists.
I‘ve fallen in love with a mental case, that‘s what‘s happening here, I‘m
madly in love with a crazy person!
―Mam,‖
What does this man want now?
―Mr Zulu wants to talk to you,‖ he says handing me his phone.
I told these people to leave! Why are they still here?
―I don‘t want to speak to him,‖
He stands still.
Didn‘t he hear me?
Why is he not telling him that I said no?
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The look on his face says he‘s begging.
I take the phone.
―Baby?‖ he says.
Please Lord help me here!
―Chawe……what‘s going on?‖
He doesn‘t speak.
―I‘m sitting on the floor in an empty house. There are men I don‘t know all
over my house going through my things without my permission. What‘s
going on?‖
He sighs.
―I don‘t want you living in a house where anyone can just walk in and
hurt you,‖ he says.
He doesn‘t get it does he?
―So you decide I‘m moving? And you send people to my house without me
knowing Chawe? Where did you get my house keys?‖
He doesn‘t respond.
―So this is what you do? Dictate my life? I‘m not your property Chawe. This
is my house, I bought it, it‘s my home and I‘m not moving out because you
say so,‖
―I have reasons,‖ he says.
I don‘t care.
―Where are my things? Where did they take them?‖
―To Modder River, to a house there,‖ he says.
Whaaaat?
―You have a house there?‖
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―Yes, we have a house there now,‖ he says.
That‘s where most government ministers and Kimberley‘s elite live.
It‘s not happening.
I‘m surprised I haven‘t lost it and raised my voice, that‘s probably because
he‘s calm too, a little nervous too sensing from his tone.
―Chawe, I‘m not leaving my house. I‘m not moving to Modder River. Tell
those people to bring back my stuff,‖ I say.
―But baby you don‘t understand….‖
―I‘m not going Chawe, I‘m not moving out of my house. I don‘t care what your
reasons are. Tell these people to bring back my stuff….‖ How could he even
think I‘d say yes to this?
Even if he had asked me first I would have said no.
―Naledi you don‘t understand…..‖
No man!
―Tell them to bring my stuff back. I‘ll sleep at Tsietsi‘s tonight, I want……‖
―You‘ll sleep where?‖
Why is he raising his voice now?
―I said I‘ll sleep at Tsietsi‘s‖
―No I‘ll book you a hotel‖ he says.
Qhawe though!
―Don‘t you have other friends? Female friends?‖ he asks.
I see he‘s back to being himself. Just now he sounded apologetic but it‘s
all gone now…
―I don‘t want you to book me a hotel Chawe, I want my house back!!!!‖
He‘s making me angry again!
―You‘re not going to sleep at that fool‘s house Naledi….‖
That fool has been my best friend for six years!!!
―Why?‖
―Because I don‘t want you to!‖ he shouts.
―You know what Chawe! Don‘t call me! Don‘t ever call me again!‖ I scream
and hang up.
This is it! I love him but I‘m not going to let him treat me like this! I am not
his property!
I might as well get out now while I still can! Tsietsi was right about
his controlling arse!
I hand the truck guy his phone back, take my handbag and leave the house.
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No in fact I‘m going to leave his car here too. They must bring back
my furniture and take his car.
Qhawe is so emotionally testing. Just now I was happy and in love and
now I‘m angry and crying.
He‘s still calling and I‘m ignoring him. I can‘t talk to him. If I hear his voice I‘ll
scream at him!
―Tsietsi please open,‖
―Open what?‖
―The gate Tsietsi, I‘m outside,‖
I see him peeping through the window.
I get out of the cab and walk inside the gate.
“Why are you using a cab? Where‘s your car?‖ he asks the moment I walk in.
Where do I start explaining?
“Your phone is ringing,‖ he says.
“I know, I don‘t want to talk to him,‖ I say.
He looks confused.
“Chawe,‖ I say.
“What? Is he still calling you?‖ he asks.
I‘m in no mood to talk about this. Not now.
“Can you just explain to me what‘s going on. Where were you all week? I
know you didn‘t go to the North West,‖ he says.
I just want to lock myself in the bedroom and sleep. That‘s all I want.
But he won‘t let it go.
“On Tuesday I drove to Joburg,‖
He raises his eyebrows.
“I know, but I love him Tsietsi. I really love him and he makes me happy…..‖
“Happy? You‘re here looking like hell, I can see you‘ve been crying so please
explain the happy part to me,‖ he says.
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He‘s about to judge and give me a lecture and tell me what I don‘t want to
hear. That‘s the last thing I need right now.
“I stayed there for two days. He didn‘t know I was coming, I called him when I
was in Joburg and he came to pick me up and I stayed at his house. We flew
back last night…..‖
“Flew back?‖ he asks.
“Yes, he has a private jet,‖ I say.
I don‘t want to dwell on that because I know what he‘s going to say.
“And your car? What happened to it?‖
Sigh.
“It‘s at his house. He sent a car here for me to use, but I left it at my
house now,‖
He‘s confused.
“But why?‖
“His explanation was, he doesn‘t want me driving around in a small car
with no air-bags, so he sent his Maserati for me to use,‖
Now that I‘m telling this to someone, it sounds really strange.
And my car does have air-bags.
He folds his arms across his chest. I know this, he‘s about to give me a
lecture about men and how bad they are.
“Naledi I told you about this guy,‖ he says.
I knew it.
“I think he loves me Tsietsi, I think he does. We have this amazing
connection……‖
“Sit down…‖ he says.
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Here we go.
“Naledi, guys like him are bad news. They control everything around them.
They can buy anything they want anytime so they think they own the
world and everything in it. They go for girls like you……..‖
Girls like me?
“What do you mean girls like me?‖ I ask.
“No don‘t get offended. You know he can have any girl he wants, any girl and
yet he‘s chasing after you, or you‘re chasing after him I don‘t know
anymore……‖
Whaaaat?
“He knows you don‘t believe in yourself, you have self-esteem issues…‖
No I don‘t!
“So he‘ll give you attention, too much attention you‘ll think you are everything
and more to him. You will do anything he wants you to do because at the back
of your mind you‘ll always believe that he‘s doing you a favour by being with
you. And so he will control you, play you and destroy you along the way…….‖
This guy is supposed to be trying to make me feel better, not this,
he‘s supposed to be my best friend.
“Tsietsi I‘m not stupid, you know that….‖
He raises his hand.
“Yes I know, which is why I don‘t understand why you‘re behaving like this.
I‘m a man, I know how we operate. We find our power in the women we are
with. Your ex found his power in abusing you and knowing that you were
scared of him, it made him feel like a man, like he owned you,‖ he says.
Did he have to bring him into this?
“No, stop crying. You‘ve just got out of a similar situation and you‘re going
back there now. I mean, Naledi, you ex died three days ago, hours after he
tried to rape you and right now it looks like you‘ve forgotten all about that.
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Shouldn‘t you be trying to deal with that and at least trying to find out from
the police what happened and preparing to go to the funeral?‖ he asks.
I wasn‘t even thinking about that.
“So why did you leave your house? Is he there?‖
Sigh.
“No Tsietsi, he‘s not there. Nothing is there. When I came back from work I
found people, movers, packing my stuff in a truck. They said it was an
instruction from him,‖
He looks confused.
“When I spoke to him he said he was moving me to a house in Modder
River because my house is not safe…‖
“Whaaat?‖
“Yes, everything is gone. It‘s totally empty,‖
I‘m not even angry anymore. I just want my life and sanity back.
“I just want to go sleep Tsietsi, I‘ve had a tough few days,‖ I say.
He‘s still judging me. I hate it when he does this. It‘s only 7pm and I just
want to disappear.
My phone is still ringing non-stop.
————————–
“You‘re not coming in here! Who the fuck do you think you are?‖
It‘s Tsietsi shouting!
He‘s here. I knew it. I knew he was going to drive here. I was just hanging
on to false hope that maybe he‘d wait until the morning.
“I said go‖-Tsietsi
“What‘s going on?‖ I ask.