I watched wide-eyed as Jenna started mixing a bunch of drinks into a bright red cup before handing it to me. I looked at the murky color and tried not to scowl at the smell, putting on a polite smile.

“I um, I don’t drink,” I murmured.

She rolled her eyes.

“Of course you do,” she said.

“I really don’t,” I pressed, remembering what my parents told me ever since I was a kid. “Alcohol kills brain cells.”

But Jenna didn’t seem to really care, just like everyone else in this house who were already half-wasted.

“And global warming is killing the planet,” she chuckled darkly. “Carter, it’s in the human system to be self-destructive, we’re the only species on the planet that are. Now live up to our uniqueness and drink up.”

“But Killian told me not to drink,” I quickly said, running out of excuses.

She raised a brow, rolling her shoulder back and giving me the same look Eshe gave me when she scolded me.

“And you’re going to listen to the guy who listens to no one else but himself?” She pointed out.

I pursed my lips, hesitant at first but the way she kept staring at me made me feel uncomfortable. Besides, it seemed like no matter what I said, she wouldn’t take “no” as an answer, so I held my breath and took a small sip.

My eyes widened at how bitter and awful it tasted, but Jenna was standing in front of the sink so I couldn’t spit it out. I forced myself to swallow, feeling the liquid burn down my throat and sizzle inside my chest, making me cough at the horrible after taste. I bit my tongue, trying not to hurl.

“Tastes like life, doesn’t it?” she grinned widely, taking the cup out of my hands and drinking some herself. I watched as she effortlessly gulped it down before pouring in some more, the stench of vodka already making me feel nauseous. “So tell me, how long have you been sleeping with Killian?”

I cleared my aching throat.

“We um, we’re not sleeping together,” I answered in a raspy voice. Jenna raised her brows.

“Then what are you two doing together?” She asked slowly.

“We just hang out sometimes,” I murmured which made her laugh. I didn’t really want to explain the whole bet that Killian and I made since it was too long of a story to tell and because my brain was already spinning from the single sip that I took.

“No, no, you don’t understand,” she chuckled, wiping away a tear before starting to speak in a serious voice.

“Killian doesn’t just “hang out”, he only fucks. Well, unless you’re a ride-or-die friend like Francisco or Luke of course,” she grumbled bitterly. “So you’re either a fuck buddy or just a waste of time, there’s no inbetween.”

It didn’t seem like Killian and I were friends since we didn’t really share secrets or fully trusted each other, nor did we really meet up just to “hang out.” It was either because one of us needed something or simply because of given a dare, which slowly made me realise that the only thing that kept our relationship existant was our bet.

“We’re helping each other,” was all I said, forcing a small smile. The heavy feeling in my chest came back so I quickly took the cup of alcohol and took a big gulp, replacing the pain with the disgusting taste of what Jenna presumed to be “life”. “He’s trying to become a better person and I’m trying to find out who I really am.”

Jenna blinked blankly before bursting out laughing which made me feel slightly embarrassed.

“Trying to become a better person?!Who, Killian?” She laughed, slapping her knee as she bent over, wheezing. “As if that hooligan would actually-” she was interrupted by a snort, tears strolling down her cheeks.

“Please don’t call him a hooligan,” I murmured in a small voice that was drowned by the music and her endless laughs. I cleared my voice, “So what about you?” I asked, wanting to change the subject. “How did you two meet?”

She finally calmed down and steadied her breath.

“Like every other girl he meets, at some dumb party that I hardly remember,” she chuckled coldly. “I was head-over-heels for that boy, so when he offered to sleep with me, of course I took the chance and said yes. I mean, how could I not? The rumors of him being a beast under the sheets had me hooked.

Beast under the sheets? Like a monster?

All I could think of was Killian jumping out of the sheets, saying ‘rawr’.

Jenna must have read the confused expression on my face. “I meant that he’s good in bed,” she clarified. And just in case I still didn’t understand, she added, “Like he’s really kinky, but not in a creepy way, which is kind of hard to find because those other dudes with feet fetishes, hunny- Just no,” she shivered. “Killian is just the right amount of kink. He knows how to make you feel good and hits the right spot. Oh, and don’t get me started with how big-”

“So are you two dating?” I quickly asked, uncomfortable with how explicitly detailed things were getting.

Jenna’s face hardened. “Like I said Carter, Killian doesn’t date. He only fucks.”

Something about the tone of her voice made me feel bad, and I could tell that Killian wasn’t just someone she wanted to sleep with, but it seemed to be only one-sided.

“Right,” I murmured.

Jenna leaned her back against the counter, taking another long sip and scrunching her face once her lips parted from the cup. “He got bored of me within a few days and I was completely heartbroken. But I can’t even get mad at him because before we even did anything, he made it crystal clear that we were only going to be friends with benefits,” she spat coldly. “In complete honesty, I would have preferred it if he didn’t warn me and had just played me instead. At least that way I could have blamed him for my mistakes and not myself.”

“Why did you agree then?” I frowned.

She raised her gaze towards me with a sad smile. “You seem to make me repeat myself quite often Carter,” she said, sounding slightly annoyed. “Humans are the only living species that are self-destructive. I guess we just like being miserable and put in pain. Maybe we’re all just a bunch of lowkey masochists!” She cried, throwing her hands in the hair and spilling some of her drink onto the floor. You could tell that she was starting to get tipsy, but I decided that it was best if I didn’t say anything.

“But just like Luke’s cousin and every other girl and boy that goes near him, we think that we can change him. Don’t you agree?” But before I could answer, she slurred on. “The way he treats us at first just makes us feel special, you know? As if he actually cares, like he genuinely has feelings for us. Holding hand, caressing your  cheek, throwing in a nice compliment every now just to tease you,” she spat, making me stiffen as she was describing exactly what Killian did to me.

With a sad look on her face, she swirled her drink in her cup and smiled, attempting to stay positive. “But we’re on good terms now and I kind of consider him as my hot brother or something, so fuck it, right?”

I pursed my lips but didn’t really know what to say.

“He’s a good friend of mine, well, I consider him as one, I don’t know if it’s the same for him. But if I could go back through time and change things, I would have never agreed on sleeping with him. Heck, I’d stay as faaar away from him as possible,” she chuckled darkly. “Would have saved me a lot of tears and pain.”

“You don’t mean that,” I murmured.

“Unfortunately, I do. He’s that unattainable person that you can’t help but fall in love with and be attracted to, but no matter how badly you want him, you just can’t. He’s a care-free guy, doesn’t listen to anyone and gives zero shit about what people say. He simply does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants, and no one can tie him down. He’s kind of like a drug if you think about it. You know that he’s bad for you but you still like him anyway.”

My eyes widened as I turned my entire body towards her. “He’s like a hot potato!” I blurted as if I just solved the world’s hardest riddle. She blinked a few times.

“Pardon?”

I let out a sheepish laugh, realising how random that sounded. “Um, when a hot potato comes out of the oven, you know that it’s steaming hot and that you’re going to burn your tongue and the roof of your mouth, but you put it in your mouth either way.”

Jenna let out an “ohhh” as she nodded. “That is one weird comparison but you actually have a point.”

“Um, Jenna?”

“Yeah?”

“If you could go back through time to the day you met Killian and could give yourself one warning or piece of advice, what would it be?” I asked, fiddling with my sleeves. Jenna paused and looked at me for a good few seconds before I quickly broke the gaze, worried that she might have figured out that I was actually asking for myself.

“If I could go back through time,” she finally said. “I guess I’d tell myself that when it comes to Killian, to never have any expectations.”

Never have expectations…

Jenna gave me a gentle nudge.

“Anyway, enough of this depressing chit-chat, we’re here to partaaay!” she grinned, swaying her lips side-to-side, spilling more of her drink. “So come on, let’s play a round of beer pong!

She took my hand and started to pull me out of the kitchen.

I frantically looked around remembering how Killian said that he’d be back in a few minutes, but he was still no where to be seen. “Wait, but Killian-”

Jenna turned her face and rolled her eyes. “Screw that jerk, you and I are going to have some fun!”